Out of nowhere this adorably awkward and very intoxicated tall dark and handsome fellow bumbled over to our corner of the bar and proceeded to shower my dear friend with grand compliments and proclamations of adoration. This guy was no slick willy, so the fact that he was laying it on thick wasn't off-putting in the least. It was just the opposite. He managed to be belligerently drunk but somehow endearing and cute. (Pretty sure I didn't know that was possible) I'm certain that he'd been enamoured with her all night and had taken the liquid courage route to work up the nerve to stumble over to her.
About halfway through his speech about MaryAllen's captivating beauty, he looked over and noticed that she wasn't alone, that she in fact had a wing man (me), a detail that I'm positive had escaped him up to that point. He gave me a dismissive but polite acknowledgement purely for her benefit and I giggled and turned my attention back to the bartender. I glanced at Romeo and his Juliet a few times throughout their exchange of bar banter, both fighting to be heard over the music, and things seemed to be going well.... when suddenly.....
Romeo leaned in to speak closer to his Juliet's ear and it was suddenly clear just how terribly drunk he truly was: HE HEADBUTTED HER. Perhaps it was his unsteady stance, his lack of depth perception, or maybe he was just that awkward. I have no idea...all I know is that it wasn't just a little embarrassing bumping of foreheads. It was a full on headbutt that caught both parties by such surprise that his head seemed to ricochet off of hers! The faces of the aftermath brought "deer in headlights" to mind...
Now I am not the kind of girl who likes to laugh at the embarrassment of others. I NEVER laugh when someone trips and falls because I'm usually too concerned they are hurt and it doesn't occur to me to laugh. So when our poor Romeo tried his damnedest to apologize and continue the conversation as if nothing happened, I did my level best to do the same: avert my eyes and pretend nothing happened. I had seen nothing.
For whatever reason, this was completely impossible. I fought the laughter so hard that I thought I might break a rib, and of course the harder one tries to stifle a belly laugh, the more hilarious the situation becomes, and so with the best of intentions I destroyed all the wooing Romeo had tried to do. I turned my back on the two lovebirds so as not to laugh in their faces, but I'm quite certain that my heaving shoulders gave my secret away. By trying to hide my face, I only made things more awkward for them and ultimately Romeo scurried off with a freshly bruised ego (and possibly forehead) and MaryAllen was left strangely disappointed that her admirer had been too humiliated to leave his number.
I was brought to tears TWICE recounting this story, and it will forever live in my memory as my favorite dating disaster to date. Sorry, MA....
